


Midnight confessions

by tenmillionotters



Category: Berserk
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 04:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenmillionotters/pseuds/tenmillionotters
Summary: Should he look at him? But he knew that he wouldn’t be able to withstand his gaze, he would confess everything to him all at once, he would cry, he would be vulnerable… he would let himself go and be something he never wanted to be, he would be someone he buried years ago in order to achieve something bigger, something more meaningful.





	Midnight confessions

**Author's Note:**

> My first Berserk fic which was a request by my boyfriend ;;; I hope you like it 

“Close the door behind you please…,” his eyes wandered through the room until he found a spot that made it impossible for the other to meet his gaze, “Thank you for coming here so late, I just needed to see you.” 

“Did something happen…?” It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Griffith to call him in the middle of the night, usually because something… or rather someone needed to be taken care of, but something felt different about this particular meeting. 

“No, not what you think, I just needed to see you, I need to talk to you,” he slowly wandered to the window and looked at the gentle moon, it was clear and beautiful night, it felt as if everything was falling into place, everything but the words he needed, “... there’s something… that’s been on my mind for quite a while now.” 

“What is it?” 

Should he look at him? But he knew that he wouldn’t be able to withstand his gaze, he would confess everything to him all at once, he would cry, he would be vulnerable… he would let himself go and be something he never wanted to be, he would be someone he buried years ago in order to achieve something bigger, something more meaningful. 

“... you overheard my conversation with Charlotte the other night, didn’t you?” Why did he feel like laughing all of the sudden? There was nothing funny about it, actually it would have been more appropriate if he’d just break down and started crying blaming something else for all of this, making up some stupid lie but he just couldn’t do that anymore… not anymore… 

“I did,” why should he deny it? Looking at it now he’d like to say it was something minor, but if he would keep on pretending it was nothing it would only continue to eat him up, the thoughts would get louder and jealousy would pierce through his chest like a knife every time he saw them together, “... why do you ask?” 

“Did it hurt?” 

“... it did, but it doesn’t matter now,” should he tell him about his plans? That he wanted to leave? It sounded so paradox… leave, build something up for himself, then come back and return to him to take his rightful place. What was his rightful place? The place next to Griffith as… he didn’t even know as what, he just wanted him to see him, to take him and his feelings seriously. 

“Why doesn’t it matter -,” his voice was shaking and he could no longer stay away from him, he could no longer pretend that he was left unaffected by this, “Did these words not move anything in you?” 

Guts moved away as the other moved closer to him, he avoided his gaze and but felt Griffith's glare piercing through him like a dagger. “... they hurt me, if you'd like to know it, I thought we are friends but it seems like… I was just getting my hopes up. I'm probably just a stray dog to you.” A servant, a tool. 

“... you're not my friend… that's right…,” the words were stale, tasted like blood and bile, burned on his tongue and lips, “... you’re something different… something… someone... I-” Was there a word for whatever he felt? “Guts look at me… it’s an order.” 

“... who am I to refuse your orders…?”, did he really have to put more emphasis on the kind of relationship they led, maybe he was just finding some kind of sick pleasure in hurting him more or… he just didn’t understand.

Their eyes met and the only thing that kept Griffith from breaking was the strong grip of Guts on his body that was shaking, shivering and slowly falling apart. 

Why was he looking at him like that? Did he finally understand now…? “I… I’m in love with you… and it’s scaring me.” Would he let go of him now? He pressed his eyes shut, not because he couldn’t stand looking at him, no… he did it because he didn’t want to see how he reacted, “You’re not my friend… I don’t want you to be my friend, you’re the first person that made me forget about my dream and … it made me angry at first but… I… have to accept it… the true extent of… it all… I shouldn’t throw away something that was important to me for so long, I merely clung to his idea to stay alive… until I met you… I shouldn’t give up my dream for you but… if that means you'll be mine - ” 

“... Griffith…” 

“Guts, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that -”, he tried to move away but he still felt the other holding onto him, this time with more force, but it was desperate and pleading, as if he was asking him not to walk away just yet, “... Guts…?” 

Was there even anything he should say now? He didn’t want to say anything at all, not now, he slowly lifted one hand and brushed the hair off Griffith’s face, then he slowly traced his lips with his thumb, pulling him closer until their lips locked. Yes, this was different, it was so much different… it was scary, but also warm… so warm and gentle. 

“... are you still scared?”, he didn't want to pull back, but the sudden tension that build up in Griffith’s body confused him. 

“... not anymore…,” maybe it was just the initial shock, the moment between asking himself if it was a dream or reality, “Do it again…”

Guts sighed and chuckled before lifting the smaller man up, “Is that an order?” 

“... if you want it to be, then yes, kiss me again… and don't stop.”


End file.
